What is uniquely us is not by accident. Although I’ve often wondered with why it appears that some people have so much in life and some have so little, I am sure that we are all created to be exactly who we are. We spend so much time wishing for things to be different, for attributes that we don’t have or circumstances to appear or disappear in our lives. It’s possible, it’s probable though that having or more importantly not having those things just might just prevent us from pouring into this world what is only ours to give.
I was that kid in elementary school surrounded by A+ students. I can still picture the 100’s on the other kids papers as each exam was handed back. I was a C student and I’m pretty sure that was only because the teachers figured I could do it, I just wasn’t, so they advanced me along each year with my friends. They were wrong. Along I went from grade to grade with the anxiety that comes with not being, in my mind, as smart as everyone else. I tease my girls now that I’m pretty certain my struggles in the classroom and in life stemmed from being a dyslexic with a stigmatism and it’s really a miracle that I’m even still standing. We laugh, but I’m not convinced some of that isn’t actually very true.
Did I mention that therapy to me is like a day at the spa and everyone needs a great therapist in their life? No seriously, go find one. Find a good one. If you go and you don’t connect, find a different one. Never waste time on a therapist that isn’t the right fit. It won’t be helpful. Remember that year I had to figure a lot of stuff out. Well, I was in a therapy session one day discussing the anxiety that stemmed from my academic days. I suggested that I sometimes wondered if I might have a learning disability. My therapist shocked me with her response. Turns out she had written that down in her notes in one of our first sessions together. Nobody before had ever given validity to that possibility before and it kind of felt good. Apparently, this whole school thing had affected me much more than I realized and turns out I had talked about it during our time together much more than I realized. Who knew? Oddly without any testing or confirmation, that day in her office, I felt validated and understood in a way that I hadn’t felt before. It was like I had been heard for the first time.
Fast forward a few years and I actually got tested. Turns out I am dyslexic, turns out my struggles were very real. Nothing in my life will change now that I have that knowledge, but the validation was good for me. Nobody else, just me. Now as an adult I know better than to think I’m unintelligent. I work with a lot of super-smart people, but their level of smart on a regular basis leaves them in dire need of my kind of smart and I love that. I get to spend each day using my gifts, living in my sweet spot and I don’t take that for granted. I may not be able to read a novel from cover to cover and retention is let’s say – not a gift, but in my own way I am most certainly smart enough. It took me a lot of years to figure that out. More so recently than ever before I’ve come to understand that those struggles and the coping mechanisms that I put in place very early in life had created in me the skills and strengths that embody most of my success and molded me into the person I have become. Without those experiences, I would not be uniquely me. My career has been successful because of my struggles and because of the skills I perfected to survive in my world surrounded very smart people. I found a passion for writing because if I don’t write it down at the moment it happens or at the second words are spoken, or when the thought pops into my head it’s gone forever. My words only flow if they are on paper or maybe the notes section of my iphone. If you call me on the phone the first thing I will do is pull out a post-it note and a pen… if you say it – it’s going down on paper. (There is your plug brother, you are welcome.)
We can’t all be the leader of the pack, the smartest student, the person that has it all, but what we all have is enough. We just have to identify the gifts we have been given and use them to create the person that is distinctively us. Figure out what your enough is! Some people figure this out before they know they have, for others it takes a lifetime. That’s ok, just figure it out. I think the journey might be the most important part of getting there.
Ashley is my younger one, the maid-of-honor. She’s a beautiful college student and super smart. Smart, but not speedy. She’s a methodical perfectionist. Given time (sometimes a lot of time) and patience there is nothing she can’t do. I call her my turtle. I love my turtle more than words can describe. I’ve tried to get her to purchase a personalized license plate that says TURTLE but she hasn’t quite embraced the idea yet. She will, someday. As a child and to this day I continue to tell her that her greatest challenges will become her greatest assets and I truly believe that. I absolutely know it. No mistakes, God doesn’t make mistakes. Ashley worked in an ice cream shop as a part time job through high-school and part of college. The store was often full with a line out the door. Ash had (and has) the impeccable ability to look at the person right in front of her, cater to their needs, and send them off by the most beautiful genuine smile. She didn’t panic at the line out the door as I most probably would have. She sees what is right in front of her and gives her all to that person in that moment. That is a gift. That is a beautiful gift. A gift that has caused her to struggle, but a gift that will make a difference in this world.
Now Katie and Ashley are sisters. They are very different in so many ways, but they have that bond that sisters do. Thankfully as Kerby (the groom) entered the seen and began to become more and more like a part of the family. He settled nicely to the role of Ashley’s big brother, the brother she never had. There is a bond amongst all three of them that is strong. It is family. Sometimes family comes with impatience, but it also comes with love. (I take this moment to remind them to always remember that – always have that bond, always have that love, but I digress). As is tradition, Ashley was tasked as all maids-of-honor are with giving a speech at the Katie and Kerby’s reception. You know, those speeches where twenty somethings ramble for what feels like an eternity about stories nobody knows about while giggling at inside jokes with a lot of awkward pauses thrown in? (Yeah nobody should do that.) That was not the kind of speech this girl delivered. This girl that feels like she struggles so much, that feels like she can’t get her thoughts out without sounding awkward and discombobulated, that often fails to recognize her gifts of patience and kindness. Well with notes at the ready Ash delivered that speech that wasn’t rushed, it was right from the heart, it was absolutely perfect. It was delivered with that smile that told the bride and groom that in that moment, her sister and new brother were her focus. Then and there, they mattered most. It was her gift. It was more than enough.
Decide what makes you exactly you and do that at every opportunity. Identify what God has given you. The good, the bad, the ugly and go out into this world using those experiences, those gifts, those challenges to be the person God intended you to be. That is where you will find success. Then and only then will you be the best you.
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